Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
