She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
