If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
