Jerry, you need to find god
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
