after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
