but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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