RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
