i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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