i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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