she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
