Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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