Porn is love you can see.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
