Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
