your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
