I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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