there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
