u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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