on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
