whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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