She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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