Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize