If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
