i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
