I wish my penis had an off switch
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
