I want to have your abortion
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
