God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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