He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
