o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
