I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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