12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
