This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Pooping to opera.
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