I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
