I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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