If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
