So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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