I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You don't make any sense
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