screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Someone shattered a urinal.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
