she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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