I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
