there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
