About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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