You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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