Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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