They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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