I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
