his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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