Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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