It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
