Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
