I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
