why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
