Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
