smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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