OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
