So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize