Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
