nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
