the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
