Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
