I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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