GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
