sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
