I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
