you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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