there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
