It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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