Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
