actually, I'm a sock model
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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